23 Debatable and Not so Sane Reasons: Why Buying Shoes is Better than Being in a Relationship!

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My mother is soon going to lose her mind about my shoe shopping sprees. And it is a struggle with her every time I walk into the house with one (or more) new pair of shoes. She doesn’t seem to get:

a. why I need to buy so much shoes

b. where I will be storing them; as clearly there is no more space in my closets

c. how I am emotionally attached to a shoe

d. why I am still single (because Yes! that has to pop up every time!)

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To help explain this to her, and to everyone out there who doubts a girl’s need for shoes. I have listed 23 reasons why shoes are great. You won’t think that they are all sane or logical. So don’t be creeped out or become judgmental. Thank you.

  1. The actual act of wearing new shoes (for the first few times at least) can be orgasmic.
  2. Swiping that card on the POS machine might slightly be better than making out.
  3. Shoes don’t judge you, and you don’t feel you need to change for shoes.
  4. Whenever you want your shoes, you just put them on!
  5. You always know where your shoes are. (Unless you have my mother who decorates your room frequently).
  6. You are comfortable with people starting at your shoes. In fact, you show them off for that reason.
  7. They make your feet look nicer.
  8. Shoes are much better listeners than some of the men you have dated. Yes I said that!
  9. Shoes support you and stay by your side all day long!
  10. Even the pain they inflict on your feet… it is worth it!
  11. Shoes never leave your closet and wander into your friend’s closet all by themselves! If you know what I mean.
  12. Always better to answer: “Where did you buy those from?” than “How did you meet”?
  13. You are more devastated if a dog bites your shoes than your own boyfriend’ arm, let’s face it.
  14. You’re less scared to show your critical mother your shoes than introduce her to your new boyfriend.
  15. The second you don’t feel like wearing this specific shoe, you can easily buy a new one and not be called a whore!
  16. You can also own as much as you want. Still… not a whore!!
  17. Shoes are never too good to be true. They might be too expensive or too unattainable at that moment, but you know that you can put some money on the side and buy them!
  18. When you enter a place and heads turn to your shoes, you are flattered. As oppose to wondering if it’s you or the man on your arm that turned heads.
  19. Shoes make you feel better instantly. You don’t have to beg them or ask them to take you out. You just have to accept that great feeling.
  20. Shoes don’t have annoying friends.
  21. Shoes don’t have any political or religious background. Yup!
  22. You don’t have to laugh at the shoe’s silly jokes or pretend to listen to their problems.
  23. There are so many good choices when it comes to shoes. Choices, choices and more choices. All you have to do really is take your pick; without being scared if the shoes will like you or not.

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Girls, you know it’s true! And you know that there is nothing that a new shoe cannot solve or make better.

Keep Shopping!