23 Debatable and Not so Sane Reasons: Why Buying Shoes is Better than Being in a Relationship!

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My mother is soon going to lose her mind about my shoe shopping sprees. And it is a struggle with her every time I walk into the house with one (or more) new pair of shoes. She doesn’t seem to get:

a. why I need to buy so much shoes

b. where I will be storing them; as clearly there is no more space in my closets

c. how I am emotionally attached to a shoe

d. why I am still single (because Yes! that has to pop up every time!)

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To help explain this to her, and to everyone out there who doubts a girl’s need for shoes. I have listed 23 reasons why shoes are great. You won’t think that they are all sane or logical. So don’t be creeped out or become judgmental. Thank you.

  1. The actual act of wearing new shoes (for the first few times at least) can be orgasmic.
  2. Swiping that card on the POS machine might slightly be better than making out.
  3. Shoes don’t judge you, and you don’t feel you need to change for shoes.
  4. Whenever you want your shoes, you just put them on!
  5. You always know where your shoes are. (Unless you have my mother who decorates your room frequently).
  6. You are comfortable with people starting at your shoes. In fact, you show them off for that reason.
  7. They make your feet look nicer.
  8. Shoes are much better listeners than some of the men you have dated. Yes I said that!
  9. Shoes support you and stay by your side all day long!
  10. Even the pain they inflict on your feet… it is worth it!
  11. Shoes never leave your closet and wander into your friend’s closet all by themselves! If you know what I mean.
  12. Always better to answer: “Where did you buy those from?” than “How did you meet”?
  13. You are more devastated if a dog bites your shoes than your own boyfriend’ arm, let’s face it.
  14. You’re less scared to show your critical mother your shoes than introduce her to your new boyfriend.
  15. The second you don’t feel like wearing this specific shoe, you can easily buy a new one and not be called a whore!
  16. You can also own as much as you want. Still… not a whore!!
  17. Shoes are never too good to be true. They might be too expensive or too unattainable at that moment, but you know that you can put some money on the side and buy them!
  18. When you enter a place and heads turn to your shoes, you are flattered. As oppose to wondering if it’s you or the man on your arm that turned heads.
  19. Shoes make you feel better instantly. You don’t have to beg them or ask them to take you out. You just have to accept that great feeling.
  20. Shoes don’t have annoying friends.
  21. Shoes don’t have any political or religious background. Yup!
  22. You don’t have to laugh at the shoe’s silly jokes or pretend to listen to their problems.
  23. There are so many good choices when it comes to shoes. Choices, choices and more choices. All you have to do really is take your pick; without being scared if the shoes will like you or not.

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Girls, you know it’s true! And you know that there is nothing that a new shoe cannot solve or make better.

Keep Shopping!

Post Mother’s Day Weekend: My mother’s hobby is to pick on me #MommyIssues

So people who are close to me would say that I have a funny relationship. For the sake of therapy and post this lovely occasion, I would like to say that the sacrifices that my mother did and continues to do are tremendous. How she continues to wake up and take care of us everyday is beyond me.

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But she has both a talent and a hobby (she said it herself) to pick on me and annoy me. Let me tell you how her hobby manifests in 12 lovely moments:

  1. How she always comments on my weight. Always.
  2. How she puts the TV on a really high volume and then just leaves the TV room to the kitchen.
  3. How she changes my room’s decoration all the time, and puts away my stuff. Which means for the upcoming week I will not find anything and will lose my temper.
  4. How she takes us not eating a dish she made very personal. And then will probably not cook again for at least 24 hours.
  5. How she hardly answers her phone and then when you ask her, she says “ma ele jlede”. Even though you might need her for something urgent.
  6. That annoying same question she asks every time I am going somewhere. Me: Mom heading down to Hamra.” Mom: “W shu fi bil Hamra…” And the list goes on.
  7. How she watches the news on all channels every night, then the midnight recap as well. Because the news can drastically change within a few hours.
  8. How she throws my laundry on the bed when she is mad at me.
  9. How she is always mad at me for some reason.
  10. How she makes the best food and deserts, especially when I am dieting.
  11. That new Instagram account that she opened to spy on me.
  12. How she is right about everything.

But then there was this one time over the weekend, when we were at this big dinner and she said something along the lines of, “Mama, I know that you are the prettiest one in the room.”

And that sort of just makes everything worth it. Because it is a fact that she was too.

Happy mother’s day!

ليش الشب اللبناني ما في يكون Prince Charming

So, I watched Cinderella this weekend. The 2015 version of this Disney story, directed by Kenneth Branagh, from a screenplay written by Chris Weit. Of course it starred the amazing Richard Madden as Prince Charming. Just a small background check, we watched it at VOX Gold theatres digging into a Caramel Popcorn large box, and covered under a blanket; because apparently, that is how they do it at VOX Gold.

The story is your traditional plot. Not many changes done there. But for us girls, that doesn’t matter. A Fairytale is amazing any way shape or form. We love happy ending cliché endings, as brain washed and silly as it may seem.

There are many things that caught my attention while watching the movie, and here they are:

  1. Richard Madden is a very generous man with a sexy accent and blue green eyes that have this marvelous ability to break into your very soul. He is amazing when he doesn’t die!richard-madden-1500-xlarge
  2. Kate Blanchet is an amazing villain! You will love her more than you like her.CINDERELLA
  3. Helena Bonham Carter makes the best godmother in history. Her quirkiness fits the role perfectly.bonham-bar-640
  4. The leggings that men wore at the time! Quite revealing downstairs don’t you think?! Lucky Cinderella.getting-to-know-the-real-prince-charming-a-chat-with-richard-madden-cc9ecf23-87cb-4537-8584-fb531758cab2
  5. For once, Prince Charming has a character!

Anyways, you can definitely watch it, stare at Richard Madden (or Lilly James) and dream of your own love story.

But as an average Lebanese girl, what struck me the most was that the average Lebanese Man cannot be Prince Charming!

Regardless if he exists or not, regardless if happy endings are more of a dream than Santa!

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Let me give you 10 reasons why He, the Lebanese Man is not Prince Charming! And you can debate this later!

  1. He has to report to Mommy and Daddy to check what they would like him to do. Although it’s his life, but he is supported financially by them or have this subliminal drive to please them all the time. No-balls prince charming? I think NOT!
  2. He doesn’t like Cinderella for what she really is and cannot fall for her while she is in rags in the forest. He wants her well-dressed up, made up, real or plastic.
  3. He will certainly not woo her with his amazing dancing skills. To the average Lebanese man, dancing isn’t straight! Little do they know.
  4. He will most certainly not make the effort of throwing a ball for a chance to see her. “Bokra eza shefta bi Uruguay bsallem, w bot7ash 3laya ana w sekran!” When you don’t make an effort, Cinderella won’t care – unless she is desperate. And aren’t we all thanks to you!
  5. The average Lebanese man will not search an entire kingdom to find Cinderella using one slipper. Instead, he will wait for her to call or come back, la2anno howe jagal. Logique!
  6. He will not wait till he kisses her on the wedding day, on the royal balcony. He will attempt all kinds of shit on the first date, then call her constipated if she doesn’t feel like exposing herself to a stranger.
  7. He will not know a nice thing to say. We are not asking for a Prince Charming Poetry. But a nice word can go a long way. Not the cheesy, unbelievable phony flattery please!
  8. He doesn’t look this good in tights J
  9. He doesn’t own massive lands in a kingdom and is still down to earth, sweet and rides a horse.
  10. He is not Richard Madden. Period.

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End of discussion.

5 men I was supposed to marry in 2014!

At the risk of sounding extremely redundant, the life of a single late 20s girl becomes completely concentrated around finding a husband, until she actually gets married or dies for that matter.

So if you are a single girl and you haven’t married yet or died, men will be shoved in your face or you will be displayed for men. It is of course worse for a Druze girl; because automatically all non-Druze men will either run away from you or treat you like a temporary breeze of fun.

While eligible Druze men are a gem, a rare phenomenon, a shooting star you are probably doomed. So when your friends push you onto someone, they expect you to jump at the opportunity. If you don’t go for it, then you’re a negative person who isn’t grabbing life by the horns and you also don’t appreciate your friend’s help.

So you see, we are forced into meeting these men under the headline of “I am ready to get married, if you like me, take me!” Regardless if you we want to get married or not.

Being your average Druze girl next door, I had my fair share of set-ups; mostly during 2014. I think because to everyone, I am starting to become more desperate the closer I get to 30. The age of the devil.

I am taking this space to share with you the list of top 5 highlight dates, maybe next time you want to set me up, you will pity me and spare me.

  1. Marwan, The Garbage enthusiast:
  • I am sure it is not entirely his fault. But it so happened that our conversation started about a certain “Garbage Dump” in Lebanon and him taking part in that cause. Let me point out that it was prior to lunch so you should know the effect of that conversation on my mood. I feel bad about saying that, maybe it was worse for him. But honestly, I can’t remember anything else of that 2 hour conversation. The garbage thing was just too much for me to handle.

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  1. Sami, The Interrogator:
  • The thing is, you might feel like I am exaggerating with this tag. But I am not. We sat for coffee, and then he started his questions. Why aren’t you married yet? How many kids do you want? Do you want to quit your job to take care of the family? When do you want to get married? Does the wedding have to happen in your hometown? Do you know how to cook and are you willing to learn the “mjadre”? I wanted to stab him in the face and ask him do you know that you are an idiot and are you willing to shut up? AND trust me he wasn’t as good looking as this guy:

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  1. Tarek, The Grandpa:
  • He turned out to be 50, and has no idea what a young spirit is. Need I say more? And yes I stopped speaking to that friend I can assure you.

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Post Valentine Rant: 7 most annoying Valentine habits

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Now that Valentine is over, thank God, I would like to take a few moments to share with you some thoughts on the most annoying things that took place over the weekend. Many would say that I am being cynical because I don’t believe in love or aren’t in love. I can assure you I am in love every single day. But love isn’t about all those manifestations. It is supposed to be sweet and touching. Here are the top 7 annoying manifestations of Valentine on social media:

  1. You are not allowed to post a million pictures with you and your loved one. We really don’t want to see you in all poses on this lovely occasion. We see you every day and this occasion shouldn’t be any special. One picture is enough, two max if one of you proposed!
  1. Say no to Teddy Bears, especially if they are red. Teddy Bears are so 90s and you’re not allowed to gift them if you over 21 years old; let alone over 30.
  1. I know that red is the theme of the occasion, but please don’t dress yourself in red from head to toe and worse, dress your hubby. I hate red to start with, and my eyes are bleeding as I scroll down my newsfeed. Spare us please.

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