10 Lebanese People You would Meet on a Plane!

There is no doubt that the Lebanese people are quite the eccentric bunch. And for some reason, if you put a group of them on a plane, their characteristics would be accentuated. After taking a recent trip, I couldn’t help notice 10 most apparent types of Lebanese people you would meet on a plane. And who’s to say that your flying experience won’t be enhanced coming across each and every one of them!

1. The woman with the 3 or more babies the-20-worst-people-on-every-airplane I really don’t know how they do it. To be honest with you, there is nothing harder than travelling with kids, and no nanny or no husband. The younger the baby, the louder his cries. I mean sometimes you,as an adult, want to cry on a plane, how about that poor creature not knowing what is happening to them. On some occasions, you actually want to hit the mother and the baby and ask her to kindly jump off the plane, especially if you are returning home and tired after a long trip. But other times, you just basically feel bad for her and want to help out. Your hormones will decide on that.

2. The man who has a slight fake English or American accent but proves to have no culture or decency. Gotta love this. The air hostess speaks Arabic to them and they don’t seem to understand. She has to say it again in English! Because you know what in Ottawa or Kent they brainwashe the 30 years of Arabic language he learned and practiced. And then he does something that just reminds you of his roots; like mistreat his wife, or disrespect a stranger. Because an accent clearly doesn’t buy you civilization.

3. The cute guy who never ever sits next to you. cute man Why does that happen?! I mean really. Can’t it happen like a cliché Hollywood movie? He sits next to you, you touch by mistake, strike a conversation, find out that he’s a Scorpio and you have a lot in common, headed to the same place and just enjoy a long trip talking, laughing and occasionally placing your hand on his. Okay fine I’ll shut up. Moving on.

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!الاسئلة التي لم يتجرأ أحد أن يسألها عن قانون السير الجديد

So the new Traffic Law has been officially launched last week with an outdoor campaign to remind the people to follow the rules. Which is all fantastic, and I have in fact downloaded the entire million page PDF which I tried to go through. Then skimmed and then went to sleep I guess.

I realized that either: I have missed something or: there are a few important mentions that have been omitted. Here are some of the questions that I have:

1. If the darake decides to hit on me on a red light, tries to slip me his number and winks sleazily. What is the fine for that?

f71a062c62543444658ccd8a3f97b307(oh you wish we had that in Lebanon at every light!!) 

2. If a girl is doing her makeup, but not the foundation – that’s too much. Just the blush maybe. Or the mascara. What is the fine for that?

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3. If a spoiled kid in the next car sticks out his tongue or worse, flips you off. What is the fine for that?

18 months old baby boy in car safety seat. Unhappy child crying.

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Haifa Wehbe, taking trash and prostitution globally.

I fought it hard. But then couldn’t anymore. I did it. I watched the new Haifa Video Clip, Breathing you In. I had a few Xanax-es, drank a few coffee cups trying to avoid it. But it wasn’t doing any good. I clicked play.

And then all hell broke loose.

The clip starts with a scene from Gravity and you keep waiting for Sandra or George to show up. But then you get Casper and Haifa!

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You then go back in time to see Casper’s abs, because why not. That brings so much added value.

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Then she starts to sing! And your ears bleed.

Because I am breathing you in, you get me started when you begin. Deep huh?

What follows is this:

1. A silly and cliché beat, that you think you have heard back in the 90s.

2. Some singing that you cannot understand because of her bad English accent and the amount of voice filtering to hide the fact that she cannot sing.

3. Haifa making her usual sex faces. Because this sells.

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4. Some terrible dance moves

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5. Haifa flying into space wearing a modern type furniture item upside down.

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6. The moment where you can see Haifa’s vgg.

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7. That moment when she travels to space to touch the hand of her lover. How romantic.

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8. That ugly red hair and old fashioned make-up. Someone should tell her that this look is really becoming trashy and deja vu. Too Arabic and too common and the furthest away from class. haifa 222

9. The usual top view of Haifa chilling in a garden

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10. How thankful we are that Haifa is now singing in English disregarding the fact that this country needs a good image and good credit. At a point she was a superstar and we disregarded that she couldn’t sing and used her body to entertain. It was her decision. But now that she has taken trash and prostitution globally because that is the only acceptable next step for artists with an added value.
What is her added value? – Showcasing another Lebanese girl, with minimum talent, respect and input trotting the globe and sharing her assets.

If you missed it and want a combination of being pissed off, having a laugh and puking a little bit. Here it is:

Regards,

Bewildered, Confused, Astonished and Furious Haneen.

ليش الشب اللبناني ما في يكون Prince Charming

So, I watched Cinderella this weekend. The 2015 version of this Disney story, directed by Kenneth Branagh, from a screenplay written by Chris Weit. Of course it starred the amazing Richard Madden as Prince Charming. Just a small background check, we watched it at VOX Gold theatres digging into a Caramel Popcorn large box, and covered under a blanket; because apparently, that is how they do it at VOX Gold.

The story is your traditional plot. Not many changes done there. But for us girls, that doesn’t matter. A Fairytale is amazing any way shape or form. We love happy ending cliché endings, as brain washed and silly as it may seem.

There are many things that caught my attention while watching the movie, and here they are:

  1. Richard Madden is a very generous man with a sexy accent and blue green eyes that have this marvelous ability to break into your very soul. He is amazing when he doesn’t die!richard-madden-1500-xlarge
  2. Kate Blanchet is an amazing villain! You will love her more than you like her.CINDERELLA
  3. Helena Bonham Carter makes the best godmother in history. Her quirkiness fits the role perfectly.bonham-bar-640
  4. The leggings that men wore at the time! Quite revealing downstairs don’t you think?! Lucky Cinderella.getting-to-know-the-real-prince-charming-a-chat-with-richard-madden-cc9ecf23-87cb-4537-8584-fb531758cab2
  5. For once, Prince Charming has a character!

Anyways, you can definitely watch it, stare at Richard Madden (or Lilly James) and dream of your own love story.

But as an average Lebanese girl, what struck me the most was that the average Lebanese Man cannot be Prince Charming!

Regardless if he exists or not, regardless if happy endings are more of a dream than Santa!

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Let me give you 10 reasons why He, the Lebanese Man is not Prince Charming! And you can debate this later!

  1. He has to report to Mommy and Daddy to check what they would like him to do. Although it’s his life, but he is supported financially by them or have this subliminal drive to please them all the time. No-balls prince charming? I think NOT!
  2. He doesn’t like Cinderella for what she really is and cannot fall for her while she is in rags in the forest. He wants her well-dressed up, made up, real or plastic.
  3. He will certainly not woo her with his amazing dancing skills. To the average Lebanese man, dancing isn’t straight! Little do they know.
  4. He will most certainly not make the effort of throwing a ball for a chance to see her. “Bokra eza shefta bi Uruguay bsallem, w bot7ash 3laya ana w sekran!” When you don’t make an effort, Cinderella won’t care – unless she is desperate. And aren’t we all thanks to you!
  5. The average Lebanese man will not search an entire kingdom to find Cinderella using one slipper. Instead, he will wait for her to call or come back, la2anno howe jagal. Logique!
  6. He will not wait till he kisses her on the wedding day, on the royal balcony. He will attempt all kinds of shit on the first date, then call her constipated if she doesn’t feel like exposing herself to a stranger.
  7. He will not know a nice thing to say. We are not asking for a Prince Charming Poetry. But a nice word can go a long way. Not the cheesy, unbelievable phony flattery please!
  8. He doesn’t look this good in tights J
  9. He doesn’t own massive lands in a kingdom and is still down to earth, sweet and rides a horse.
  10. He is not Richard Madden. Period.

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End of discussion.

The Sisters. The Lebanese Kardashians. The Epitome of Silliness. The Reason You Want to Slit Your Wrists. #YouAreNotAlone

I don’t know how many brain cells I have, but I am sure that almost 100,000,000 brain cells have been killed yesterday. I did the mistake of watching The Sisters. Why? Because I was bored and I really had some time on my hands. We all heard so much about it and I couldn’t have missed it.

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I find it really weird that it is timed so close to Women’s Day. How ironic that these women represent our society. 3 of the most self-centered, personality lacking, no-cultured, low IQ-ed, spoiled rich girls of the Lebanese community.

While women all over the world have struggled to make a place for themselves, to celebrate respect and women achievements, Alice, Nadine and Farah portray a version of women that wrecks all the efforts of great female figures. Sorry ‎Margaret Thatcher, ‎Malala Yousafzai, Audrey Hepburn, Benazir Bhutto, Maya Angelo, Bronte Sister, and the list goes on.

How are we supposed to be respected and appreciated while we see 3 plastic women, showered with money and free clothes (I didn’t know that) share with us their daily meaningless stupid lives. I don’t care whether they go to the gym, and how they fight and how they shop and takes photo-shoots.

But anyways, let’s meet the lovely cast:

  • Alice: the eldest sister, bossy and pushy and has this annoying way of speaking. Also scary on close-ups.

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  • Nadine: Also self-centered and silly, but has a bit of sense of humor.

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Dancing with the Stars, returns! And so does my over-dramatic Review!

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Dancing with the Stars is back on MTV and I enjoyed last night’s first episode of the first season. Absolutely love MTV’s production quality and creativity.

It included a great lineup of celebrities, cute couples, nice music and I especially enjoyed the graphics and editing.

I spent quite some time with a few statuses on Facebook and Twitter. But I would also like to share a few highlights from last night’s episode, for everyone who has missed it:

1. Rony Fahed. This guy is too cute! With Grey hair and they way he can shake that waist! And and he’s not dumb! Imagine that. Might replace that Elie Stephan crush. But still too early to tell.

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2. Carla couldn’t count four 5s and said 30 instead of 20. Next time she should be allowed to count on her fingers or use a calculator. Leish la2.

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3. Wissam and how he makes all of Carla’s jokes less lame and less cliché every single time. This guy is not only Charismatic but also witty and in control. I absolutely love him and his hosting skills.

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Post Snow-Weekend Rant: Ridiculous Shit Lebanese Did on the Snow Slopes.

So the snow season is great this year, thankfully, and half the Lebanese population hit the ski slopes over the weekend. While many enjoyed playing their favorite winter sports, others spent it with the families.

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But, a lovely chunk of the Lebanese Society had different purposes in mind, and they weren’t afraid to show us all over the social media. Here it is folks, the highlights:

1. The lovely rich, airheads and wannabes of the Fashionable Lebanese scene or as they would like to refer to themselves: The Fashionistas. Full make-up, cleavage still showing from under a million layers of fake fur, taking selfies and duck face pictures with the girls.

2. The unattractive Lebanese loaded and pretending-to-be-loaded macho-man with cigar in mouth, taking endless photos biting that thing wile sipping whiskey, and worse off posting those photos online as if that is the most natural thing on earth.

3. The poor people who fell, hit a pole, bumped into other people, and decided to post pictures of the First aid carrying them out, their broken leg and all the pain that they endured. Thank you for sharing.

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Post Valentine Rant: 7 most annoying Valentine habits

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Now that Valentine is over, thank God, I would like to take a few moments to share with you some thoughts on the most annoying things that took place over the weekend. Many would say that I am being cynical because I don’t believe in love or aren’t in love. I can assure you I am in love every single day. But love isn’t about all those manifestations. It is supposed to be sweet and touching. Here are the top 7 annoying manifestations of Valentine on social media:

  1. You are not allowed to post a million pictures with you and your loved one. We really don’t want to see you in all poses on this lovely occasion. We see you every day and this occasion shouldn’t be any special. One picture is enough, two max if one of you proposed!
  1. Say no to Teddy Bears, especially if they are red. Teddy Bears are so 90s and you’re not allowed to gift them if you over 21 years old; let alone over 30.
  1. I know that red is the theme of the occasion, but please don’t dress yourself in red from head to toe and worse, dress your hubby. I hate red to start with, and my eyes are bleeding as I scroll down my newsfeed. Spare us please.

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