10 Lebanese People You would Meet on a Plane!

There is no doubt that the Lebanese people are quite the eccentric bunch. And for some reason, if you put a group of them on a plane, their characteristics would be accentuated. After taking a recent trip, I couldn’t help notice 10 most apparent types of Lebanese people you would meet on a plane. And who’s to say that your flying experience won’t be enhanced coming across each and every one of them!

1. The woman with the 3 or more babies the-20-worst-people-on-every-airplane I really don’t know how they do it. To be honest with you, there is nothing harder than travelling with kids, and no nanny or no husband. The younger the baby, the louder his cries. I mean sometimes you,as an adult, want to cry on a plane, how about that poor creature not knowing what is happening to them. On some occasions, you actually want to hit the mother and the baby and ask her to kindly jump off the plane, especially if you are returning home and tired after a long trip. But other times, you just basically feel bad for her and want to help out. Your hormones will decide on that.

2. The man who has a slight fake English or American accent but proves to have no culture or decency. Gotta love this. The air hostess speaks Arabic to them and they don’t seem to understand. She has to say it again in English! Because you know what in Ottawa or Kent they brainwashe the 30 years of Arabic language he learned and practiced. And then he does something that just reminds you of his roots; like mistreat his wife, or disrespect a stranger. Because an accent clearly doesn’t buy you civilization.

3. The cute guy who never ever sits next to you. cute man Why does that happen?! I mean really. Can’t it happen like a cliché Hollywood movie? He sits next to you, you touch by mistake, strike a conversation, find out that he’s a Scorpio and you have a lot in common, headed to the same place and just enjoy a long trip talking, laughing and occasionally placing your hand on his. Okay fine I’ll shut up. Moving on.

Continue reading

Haifa Wehbe, taking trash and prostitution globally.

I fought it hard. But then couldn’t anymore. I did it. I watched the new Haifa Video Clip, Breathing you In. I had a few Xanax-es, drank a few coffee cups trying to avoid it. But it wasn’t doing any good. I clicked play.

And then all hell broke loose.

The clip starts with a scene from Gravity and you keep waiting for Sandra or George to show up. But then you get Casper and Haifa!

haifa 1

You then go back in time to see Casper’s abs, because why not. That brings so much added value.

haifa 2

Then she starts to sing! And your ears bleed.

Because I am breathing you in, you get me started when you begin. Deep huh?

What follows is this:

1. A silly and cliché beat, that you think you have heard back in the 90s.

2. Some singing that you cannot understand because of her bad English accent and the amount of voice filtering to hide the fact that she cannot sing.

3. Haifa making her usual sex faces. Because this sells.

haifa 33

4. Some terrible dance moves

ezgif.com-maker

5. Haifa flying into space wearing a modern type furniture item upside down.

haifaa lamp

6. The moment where you can see Haifa’s vgg.

vagina

7. That moment when she travels to space to touch the hand of her lover. How romantic.

1

8. That ugly red hair and old fashioned make-up. Someone should tell her that this look is really becoming trashy and deja vu. Too Arabic and too common and the furthest away from class. haifa 222

9. The usual top view of Haifa chilling in a garden

ezgif.com-maker (2)

10. How thankful we are that Haifa is now singing in English disregarding the fact that this country needs a good image and good credit. At a point she was a superstar and we disregarded that she couldn’t sing and used her body to entertain. It was her decision. But now that she has taken trash and prostitution globally because that is the only acceptable next step for artists with an added value.
What is her added value? – Showcasing another Lebanese girl, with minimum talent, respect and input trotting the globe and sharing her assets.

If you missed it and want a combination of being pissed off, having a laugh and puking a little bit. Here it is:

Regards,

Bewildered, Confused, Astonished and Furious Haneen.

What I learned from these Easter holidays and how the Lebanese do it!

This(ese) Easter(s), I realized that I have become more “racist” than I really am, or at least paid more attention to religion than I usually do. Maybe it is because Western and Eastern Easter Holidays usually coincide and we don’t have to ask too many questions.

But this year, people were more sensitive than ever to the timing of your greeting. You couldn’t wish them a Happy Easter when it was their Palm Sunday. You had to get the timings perfectly right, and I was slightly confused.

As a child and growing up a bit, Easter to me was all about going to Teta to dye the eggs and have a massacre cracking them. More importantly, it was about running away from the Easter bunny. That is not me because I couldn’t find my picture. But it could have been easily me, ask my kindergarten teacher.

ff1fda75fcebc196504b782b6c72bb60

So this time around, I started all my conversations over the past 2 weeks with, “Are you Roum or Maronite/Catholic?” (Also learned the Maronite, Catholic story. Thank you Clairi!)

Although I really don’t give much attention or care to these things, I didn’t want to piss anyone off! And the truth remains that I did learn a lot about Easter and especially how the Lebanese celebrate it.

1. “Al Masih Kam” should be followed by “7akkan kam”. Although I had heard that expression a million times, I did not know that I was supposed to finish it. So when someone said to me (out of all people) “Al Masih Kam” I would simply smile at them and say something like yup! he did! So when a friend at work explained to me what I should answer, I realized that I might have insulted many. And I am sorry for that. “Al masih kam, 7akkan kam”

2. The weather. It has everything to do with religion. Are you crazy?! It is an important testament of which party God prefers. But it is a tricky one here, it should rain on Friday and be full of sunshine by Sunday. Does this mean that God approves Eastern Good Friday, and Western Easter Sunday? I am seriously still confused, but thankful that this week is going to be sunny.

khl

3. Palm Sunday. Sha3nine. So I can now say that I know the meaning of this date in Christianity. But what I do not understand is why get dressed like you are going to a wedding, and styled by a melange of Madonna and Clauda El Chemaly. Beats me.  Continue reading

The Sisters. The Lebanese Kardashians. The Epitome of Silliness. The Reason You Want to Slit Your Wrists. #YouAreNotAlone

I don’t know how many brain cells I have, but I am sure that almost 100,000,000 brain cells have been killed yesterday. I did the mistake of watching The Sisters. Why? Because I was bored and I really had some time on my hands. We all heard so much about it and I couldn’t have missed it.

all

I find it really weird that it is timed so close to Women’s Day. How ironic that these women represent our society. 3 of the most self-centered, personality lacking, no-cultured, low IQ-ed, spoiled rich girls of the Lebanese community.

While women all over the world have struggled to make a place for themselves, to celebrate respect and women achievements, Alice, Nadine and Farah portray a version of women that wrecks all the efforts of great female figures. Sorry ‎Margaret Thatcher, ‎Malala Yousafzai, Audrey Hepburn, Benazir Bhutto, Maya Angelo, Bronte Sister, and the list goes on.

How are we supposed to be respected and appreciated while we see 3 plastic women, showered with money and free clothes (I didn’t know that) share with us their daily meaningless stupid lives. I don’t care whether they go to the gym, and how they fight and how they shop and takes photo-shoots.

But anyways, let’s meet the lovely cast:

  • Alice: the eldest sister, bossy and pushy and has this annoying way of speaking. Also scary on close-ups.

aline

  • Nadine: Also self-centered and silly, but has a bit of sense of humor.

nadine Continue reading

Post Snow-Weekend Rant: Ridiculous Shit Lebanese Did on the Snow Slopes.

So the snow season is great this year, thankfully, and half the Lebanese population hit the ski slopes over the weekend. While many enjoyed playing their favorite winter sports, others spent it with the families.

Mountains-Snow-Ski-Board-People

But, a lovely chunk of the Lebanese Society had different purposes in mind, and they weren’t afraid to show us all over the social media. Here it is folks, the highlights:

1. The lovely rich, airheads and wannabes of the Fashionable Lebanese scene or as they would like to refer to themselves: The Fashionistas. Full make-up, cleavage still showing from under a million layers of fake fur, taking selfies and duck face pictures with the girls.

2. The unattractive Lebanese loaded and pretending-to-be-loaded macho-man with cigar in mouth, taking endless photos biting that thing wile sipping whiskey, and worse off posting those photos online as if that is the most natural thing on earth.

3. The poor people who fell, hit a pole, bumped into other people, and decided to post pictures of the First aid carrying them out, their broken leg and all the pain that they endured. Thank you for sharing.

Continue reading

Post Valentine Rant: 7 most annoying Valentine habits

0c191618db7a51e1298c6784d11be8ec

Now that Valentine is over, thank God, I would like to take a few moments to share with you some thoughts on the most annoying things that took place over the weekend. Many would say that I am being cynical because I don’t believe in love or aren’t in love. I can assure you I am in love every single day. But love isn’t about all those manifestations. It is supposed to be sweet and touching. Here are the top 7 annoying manifestations of Valentine on social media:

  1. You are not allowed to post a million pictures with you and your loved one. We really don’t want to see you in all poses on this lovely occasion. We see you every day and this occasion shouldn’t be any special. One picture is enough, two max if one of you proposed!
  1. Say no to Teddy Bears, especially if they are red. Teddy Bears are so 90s and you’re not allowed to gift them if you over 21 years old; let alone over 30.
  1. I know that red is the theme of the occasion, but please don’t dress yourself in red from head to toe and worse, dress your hubby. I hate red to start with, and my eyes are bleeding as I scroll down my newsfeed. Spare us please.

Continue reading