There is no doubt that the Lebanese people are quite the eccentric bunch. And for some reason, if you put a group of them on a plane, their characteristics would be accentuated. After taking a recent trip, I couldn’t help notice 10 most apparent types of Lebanese people you would meet on a plane. And who’s to say that your flying experience won’t be enhanced coming across each and every one of them!
1. The woman with the 3 or more babies I really don’t know how they do it. To be honest with you, there is nothing harder than travelling with kids, and no nanny or no husband. The younger the baby, the louder his cries. I mean sometimes you,as an adult, want to cry on a plane, how about that poor creature not knowing what is happening to them. On some occasions, you actually want to hit the mother and the baby and ask her to kindly jump off the plane, especially if you are returning home and tired after a long trip. But other times, you just basically feel bad for her and want to help out. Your hormones will decide on that.
2. The man who has a slight fake English or American accent but proves to have no culture or decency. Gotta love this. The air hostess speaks Arabic to them and they don’t seem to understand. She has to say it again in English! Because you know what in Ottawa or Kent they brainwashe the 30 years of Arabic language he learned and practiced. And then he does something that just reminds you of his roots; like mistreat his wife, or disrespect a stranger. Because an accent clearly doesn’t buy you civilization.
3. The cute guy who never ever sits next to you. Why does that happen?! I mean really. Can’t it happen like a cliché Hollywood movie? He sits next to you, you touch by mistake, strike a conversation, find out that he’s a Scorpio and you have a lot in common, headed to the same place and just enjoy a long trip talking, laughing and occasionally placing your hand on his. Okay fine I’ll shut up. Moving on.
4. The annoying guy who does. And just like that. All your dreams are shattered. You are either walking down the aisle and you spot that annoying guy sitting across, or you’re seated and he is walking your way. You pray hard and good that you’re not seated next to him. But just your luck! You are! – and that cheeky smile of his says it all. Earphones on and ignoration mode double on. He will try to conversate, he will try to touch you by mistake. If you are luckier, he will be one of those guys who hum tunes. That is always adorable – not.
5. The Businessman who looks down on you from the business class. Okay just because I’m not an executive who can afford or is on a business trip, doesn’t mean I am less of a person than you are. Just because you get that silky soft blanket, the sparkling champagne and the beyond comfy seat doesn’t mean that… Okay who am I kidding? Just don’t make me feel worse by giving me that pity look.
6. The neswein el foren (sorry for the expression but it is true!) Ahh! The best people to travel with. Sometimes they know each other, but sometimes they don’t have to. That isn’t a prerequisite because they can strike a conversation just like that! A marhaba starts it all off, then you hear all about one of the women’s sons who graduated on top of his class, Layal bent el jeeran who got divorced, and the best ways to do tabbouleh! You want to turn around and just slap them to silence. But you don’t, and you regret it for the remaining flight hours.
7. El madame el mhastra There always has to be one! God forbid no one create a scene on a Lebanese plane. Yesterday on my return flight, a lady lost her nerves over the fact that there were only 2 bathrooms on a plane carrying 100 people and just started yelling out loud. I understand that sometimes your lack of bladder control gets you to say and do crazy things, but what do you want them to do, make plane with less seats and more bathrooms? (- credits to my sister who said that comment actually!)
8.The Frenchie French guy Need I say more?! Okay glad you understand.
9. The sociable guy Do you have enough Advil on you? Good! Because this guy will annoy the shit out of you! He will seem nice at first. But the second you smile back at him, he will not shut up. He will tell you all about him and will ask you a million questions. By the time you gather the courage to tell him you want to sleep, he would have moved on to another passenger until the landing, and sometimes all the way through baggage claim.
10. The guy who cannot control their kids Left the best till last. If you cannot control your kids, you shouldn’t be allowed on a plane. And we are not talking about a baby who is out of control here. We are talking about a 5-year-old who is yelling non-stop because he wants to sit in another’s person’s seat; or that he wants candy or food right at that moment. And I love to watch mother and fathers attempt to parent their children on a plane; something that they clearly have yet to master the art of at their own households. And then the child yells some more. You will see them spank their children, threaten them, yell at them, but those are mostly futile attempts at putting an end to a tantrum. These people need to be shot. Don’t hate me for this comment, but I am not forced to listen to the screams of a spoiled brat just because he has incompetent parents. Thank you very much for re-considering breeding. You owe it to the rest of the human species. This basically wraps it up, for now! I wanted to add a last point about the hostesses on a Lebanese planes! But that is another post on its own. They deserve the privilege; and so do their hair buns.